Friday, December 18, 2009

On the Death of Family

My great-grandma passed away today. It's funny, you'd think I should be sad, but most of what I feel is relief. She's been ready to go for so long, and she's been in so much pain for the past months, I think it was time. We knew she wouldn't last long after this last stroke, but I hate to think what this is going to do to everyone else in my family. My grandma has been the primary caretaker for my grandparents for so long, I don't know if she'll know what to do now. Great-Grandpa isn't gone yet, but he soon will be. They been married for over seventy years. I don't think they know how to function without each other. I know they don't. Soon we'll have another funeral to plan.
It seems to me that it shouldn't be that way. We shouldn't hope that a family member will die to put them out of their misery. But sometimes, that's the only thing we can do for them. I'm sad that it's happened, but I think it's better that they go when life no longer holds any joy. They've lived fully, and now there's not much left for them but to grow old and have to be watched over constantly like small children. It's better, but that doesn't make it easier for those of us left behind.
I was never close to them, there was too much difference in us for that, but I knew them better than my other cousins who lived too far away to see them. It's enough that I spent some time with them, I think. I think they understand, and that they'll watch out for us. They'll visit those they haven't seen for a while, check up on them, make sure their okay. I believe that those who have moved on sometimes stay close by to watch over us, guard us, warn us of trouble and the choices we're making. They offer comfort and support, even when we don't know they're there. In my heart, I feel it's true, because I can feel their love surrounding me, holding me safe. And I know I'll see them again someday.

During the space between then and now, I should become the best that I can.

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