Saturday, July 25, 2009

Melancholy and Feeling Torn

So... I don't really know what to talk about. My computer hates me, even after we tried to fix things, my brother is almost-not-quite engaged, and I'm gonna be a freaking senior this year! Yikes!

I guess I've just been feeling a bit melancholy for the past few days. Okay, so it started yesterday at Ben (Little Ben that's married to Brekke)'s baptism, where all the kids my age were... well, either people I wouldn't have anything to talk about with or talking to the afore mentioned people. Sad. So, I feel lonely. Of course. You know me, I hate feeling like an odd man out, so I leave. Only it effected my mood for pretty much the rest of the day. And then today, Pioneer Day, most of my friends were on floats. Yep. And the one person I was really glad to see... Came and went, and then left. Yeah. That felt great. We had some pretty funny convos, though... Anyway, so it got better today, once I met up with Amy and we got everybody together, but then Josh and Crystal and Thomas showed up. I started feeling torn, because I was standing between the two groups: Josh, Crystal, and Thomas, and Katherine, Amber, and Amy. They didn't really seem able to mix. It's kind of hard, realizing that you've grown away from certain friend. I'd listen to one conversation for a while and turn back and not know what anyone on the other side was talking about. Why do I have to compartmentalize my life? Couldn't it just be hodge-podge like my room? Jeez. I wish there was some way to bring them all together... But that might not be possible.

Monday, July 6, 2009

Can the world stop turning?

I ask because summer is just going way too fast. I mean, seriously, it's already July! I went to Girl's Camp, had a blast, had fun with my cousin Camilla, rode in the Aberdeen Daze parade, bought an awesome shirt and a dress at the Villager, started my online classes, tutor someone and get paid, and now my first speech is this week and I'm going to Minnesota to see those cousins and other extended family members. It's crazy! Though I'm really excited to go. We're going to the Mall of America, which means shopping! I have $50 to spend, and I'm probably going to spend it all. I know, who'd have thought I could be such a girl? Did you know I even have real makeup that I could wear anywhere instead of just stage makeup? Yeah, exactly. Sometimes I'm not quite sure I know myself anymore, and others it feels like I'm just starting to find out. I know that it's just typical teenage stuff, but it's different when it's you. Everything's different. I've also come to realize why I haven't said anything to the guy I like. It's not the right time. I don't need to date, not really. Sure, sometimes I wish there was some guy I could run to and he'd make everything better, but I can take anything because I have my friends and family. I don't need a boyfriend. And having one would probably be a bad idea. *shrug* I'll just figure it out as I go.