Here we go again

I got an email from my dad this morning that I'd been expecting, but still...
Chet died Sunday night. And I know we've been expecting it for almost two months and he's been getting ready to go for years, but...He's one of the two grandpas I can really remember. I don't remember a lot about Grandpa Kevin or Oscar because I was so young when they died, and Chet just stepped in. He treated us like family, like we really were his grandkids, even though we're not blood-kin. There are so many times he stepped in to try and help us through, like when he told Grandma to give me money for my Europe trip and they made me work for it. It meant so much more because of that. If they hadn't had me work for that money, I probably would've been like half the other kids on the trip who had the money handed to them and were told, "Go have fun, and bring me back a souvenir."
I don't think people realize how special it is that he just accepted us like that. Some of his kids and grandkids had a really hard time with it, and for him it was like it was as easy as breathing. That doesn't mean we always got along. I remember being almost scared of Chet for quite a while as a kid. But...he was "Grandpa Chet" in my head, even when I just said "Chet" out loud.
It seems kind of surreal, because I'm in Utah and I'm not there. It's almost like I'll get home and there he'll be, sitting in his big easy chair watching football or some random Hallmark Channel movie that I've never even heard of before. But in my head I know that-that won't happen. He's not going to be there, and I'm going to be going to his funeral. A week, and he'll be gone from my life. Yet I feel as if he's right here, telling me that I'm going to be all right, and so is everyone else. It'll just take time. Time I don't have, that I need for other things.
What will Taiya and Amber say if I tell them I didn't write anything on the novel this week because my grandpa died? For some reason I wonder if they'll believe me.
Anyway, as a result, my theme song for the day is "Missing You" from A Very Potter Musical. Without being taken at face value and without listening closely to the words...

Bye Chet. I hope you know that even though I've never said it, I do love you. Look out for Grandma, will you?

On the Death of Family

My great-grandma passed away today. It's funny, you'd think I should be sad, but most of what I feel is relief. She's been ready to go for so long, and she's been in so much pain for the past months, I think it was time. We knew she wouldn't last long after this last stroke, but I hate to think what this is going to do to everyone else in my family. My grandma has been the primary caretaker for my grandparents for so long, I don't know if she'll know what to do now. Great-Grandpa isn't gone yet, but he soon will be. They been married for over seventy years. I don't think they know how to function without each other. I know they don't. Soon we'll have another funeral to plan.

It seems to me that it shouldn't be that way. We shouldn't hope that a family member will die to put them out of their misery. But sometimes, that's the only thing we can do for them. I'm sad that it's happened, but I think it's better that they go when life no longer holds any joy. They've lived fully, and now there's not much left for them but to grow old and have to be watched over constantly like small children. It's better, but that doesn't make it easier for those of us left behind.

I was never close to them, there was too much difference in us for that, but I knew them better than my other cousins who lived too far away to see them. It's enough that I spent some time with them, I think. I think they understand, and that they'll watch out for us. They'll visit those they haven't seen for a while, check up on them, make sure their okay. I believe that those who have moved on sometimes stay close by to watch over us, guard us, warn us of trouble and the choices we're making. They offer comfort and support, even when we don't know they're there. In my heart, I feel it's true, because I can feel their love surrounding me, holding me safe. And I know I'll see them again someday.

During the space between then and now, I should become the best that I can.