Daily Blog 9

I’m encountering a lot of new things today. So it’s both easier and harder than the rest of the week... I think I’m more nervous between calls than I am while on the phone. Weird.

We have a dance performance Saturday, but it’s only 20 minutes so dress rehearsal was pretty chill.

Oh, and I tried to call my health coach and of course she didn’t answer (last of the month, probably everyone and their dog was calling). I’ll have to call again today and talk to someone else.

Daily Blog 8 9/26/18

Much more frazzled today. Felt a little like I was running around like a chicken with its head cut off. One thing I think i can be proud of--I had a complaint call that I managed to calm down enough that he was reassuring me he wasn’t mad at me, just the company since the company’s “slipping”. It’s kind of nice to be able to change someone’s mood like that. I’ve noticed that a lot of the callers I get just need someone to validate their feelings of frustration instead of trying to placate. Which I do a little, but mostly I just tell them I understand it’s frustrating and that we’re trying as hard as we can to get things caught up.

Also, I went to a nearby pizza place for a calzone, because not many places make them anymore (I was incredibly disappointed when I realized that Pizza Hut stopped years ago). I've had one from there before, but this one was not as good. I be dissatisfied.

But Pirates of Penzance fixes everything, right?

Daily Blog 7 9/25/18

Today felt busy. I didn't take any breaks other than bathroom/snatching bites of sandwich at my desk. Basically I did both jobs during the morning since I don't have any new job files to keep up to date. I answered a lot of inquiry calls and it was much easier than I expected. I should probably do overtime sometime this week to get some of GC's backlog of stuff done. I really appreciate him leaving a three inch pile of papers for me to process. *eye roll* I guess at this point I'm less smug that he left and more indignant about HOW he left. It's such a jerk move to give no notice like that. I can understand for some jobs, but the boss is decent and the workload is generally manageable--when you're not doing it alongside another job. I just don't understand people like that. Called it, yes. But I don't understand the motivation.

Speaking of motivation, I got the mail, called my mom, and made dinner today. I still need to take out the recycling and empty the dishwasher (if Roommate 1 doesn't do it before she goes to bed, the over achiever), but considering the lack of spoons I've had for the last several months, I call today a win, especially as opposed to yesterday. I got nothing done yesterday, to the point I didn't eat dinner and got up an hour early to shower this morning. I really feel like everything I did at work plus doing more than make dinner at home makes today a win.

Daily Blog 6 9/24/18

Looks like these are starting to be a day after thing. Oh well, at least I'm doing it. So GC quit, officially. I'm now pulling double duty and doing new job in the morning and old job + GC's bits in the afternoon. They still haven't changed my pay rate to new job's rate. Frustrating. It better change before payday this week.

I had a bad night. I struggle with a previous/frustratingly ongoing addiction to certain kinds of books/manga, and yesterday was the worst it's been for at least 2 months. Some days I feel like I'm doing well, and then days like yesterday happen. I just have to remind myself that "tomorrow is always fresh with no mistakes in it, yet." (Thanks Anne Shirley). I also didn't eat dinner, because I just wasn't hungry. I'll do better tonight.

Daily Blog 5 9/23/18

Today was great, but also tiring. I've been around a lot of people this weekend and I'm really not used to it anymore. I do miss seeing everyone, but I'm not sure it's enough to make me want to drive so I can see them more often. Driving means paying for a car and gas...

It's also hard to see all my close friends moving on to this next stage in life while I'm still here, trying to figure out what to do with my life since I'm not on the "normal" path of marriage and babies. It's difficult to remember that outside Mormon culture it's normal not to get married until after 30. Inside Mormon culture, people often judge a woman who isn't married by about 24 or 25. Though they don't judge men as much. It's like if a woman isn't married by then she's got to be defective, but of a man isn't he's just making sure he's ready to take care of a family. How is that fair? It hurts to know no one wants to date me, I don't need others to criticize me for it.

I guess it just hurts more because a guy I have a crush on was over tonight talking to Roommate 1 (I think she was giving him a haircut?) and he said he doesn't want to date in his ward. So that means he'll probably never see me in that way. Which is fine, but I don't meet new guys that often, let alone being able to actually talk to them. So I kind of feel like my chances are gone.

Which means I guess I need to focus on my writing. I can at least get something in my life on track and going for me.

Daily Blog 4 9/22/18

I slept a lot. Went to sleep at 10, woke up at 5 and then 7.  Roommate 2 and Salem(the cat) were awake, so we sat out in the living room to introvert socialize. Meaning we laid on the couches and played on our phones, lol. Eventually we decided to wake up Roommate 1 by putting the cat in her room because she can sleep through almost anything. But then Roommate 2 felt bad, so she went to get the car and found Roommate 1 awake.

Then the three of us watched random SortedFood videos on YouTube because that's what I had up (and they're super funny, go check them out if you like food shows). Eventually I got up and got dressed, then packed because I was planning to spend the night in Brigham City. Then I had to remind the others what time it was so they would get ready, since we were taking Roommate 2 to dim sum for her birthday.

It was sooooogooe good. If you've never had dim sum, find a place because it's great. We ate faster than I thought, so I didn't need to worry as much as I did-we had time to sit around before SV got there. She is super great, because she's generally willing to carpool with me since I don't drive. From there we went to Former Roommate's baby shower, which was fine. Loud and over crowded, but some of them were my people.

After we just hung out until most of us went to another friend's wedding reception in Farmington. We were there so late... and we compounded that by going to Pretzel Maker after.

In other words, we got to Brigham really late, and stayed up later because Kaylee is here, and I don't see her very often.

Daily Blog 3 9/21/18

GC was once again gone. I though he might be, so I just started prepping for tasks I knew I'd get asked to do later. It was really nice to feel useful today, but to also know what I was doing. I actually took over one of GC's tasks for the day, and that was also pretty easy. I found myself thinking I could probably do his job if I ever needed to.

Other than that, it was a normal day. Grocery shopping with Roommate 2, pizza for dinner and Kakuriyo. I finally caught up and I'm a bit upset that it was a bit of a cliffhanger. Literally, they're going into a painting of a mountain... (Episode 23).

I'm worried about roommate 2 and her friend. He's made it clear that he wants to date her, and she keeps saying no. He's not pushing, but I just don't trust him not to try to change her mind. Am I being paranoid? I know I can be. But it also feels like they're straddling a weird line between dating and not dating where they don't go on dates, but he comes over several times a week for hours and buys her food. Doesn't that sound like dating? I'll talk to her tomorrow.

Daily Blog 2

Gosh, I hope my trainer takes me off the leash today. I don't mind being on training wheels, but coming into work just to search for something to do is frustrating. It makes me want to stay home so at least I don't feel like I'm getting paid unfairly.

8:31-GC still isn't here. He's usually here by 7/7:30. Wonder if they'll have me do stuff again if he doesn't show. Wonder if they'll ask me to do his job/part of my old job if he quits. Is it bad that part of me hopes he quits, just to stick it to them? After all, I wouldn't have applied for new job if BB and FB hadn't pulled me aside and basically asked me to. I never would've considered it. And now they're having problems because I did what they asked and got the job and those left behind can't handle it. I wonder if they regret it at all. Or if they will in the future. 

9:00 am. GC is out again. Hmmm. Back I go. I'm not used to feeling smug--it took me a minute to figure out what the feeling was. 

1:00 pm. The more I work today, the more I remember that I hoped for more to do in the new job. I'm fast running out of things to do because I'm too good at the job! My current plan is to find busy work that will maybe help GC with the job when he's no longer home sick. Though parts of me are almost hoping he quits. I don't know why, I think part of me wants the comfort of my old job instead of the scary mostly-unknown of the new.

Evening. I get really tired after work for some reason, and then I pick up around six only to crash again around 9 or 10. Roommate 2 thinks I should see someone about my thyroid.

And dance was great. We have a performance next week, so if anyone's in Salt Lake and going to the Living Traditions thing, we'll be there.

Today was a really great reminder of why I switched jobs. Hopefully tomorrow I can finally move on to the next stage of my life.

Oh, and if anyone needs a new book boyfriend, might I suggest Nalini Singh's Rebel Hard? I sped through it within 24 hours, and the hero... *swoons* Plus, it's in the perspective of New Zealand Indian culture, which is so cool! I loved it.

Daily Blog 1

This is inspired by avwrypottermormon's osrr tag on Tumblr. I need to be accountable to someone, so... I guess you're it. Not that I expect anyone to read this, and if you know me irl you probably shouldn't unless you want to know a lot more than pretty much anyone gets to see. This first post is, first and foremost, a pledge to be completely honest and hide nothing, because I hide too much.

So I'm starting with yesterday. This week I moved departments at my company. Not gonna lie, it's been stressful. I'm going from data entry with other things thrown in to being on the phone with insureds, and phone calls give me anxiety. My Boss's Boss (hereafter known as BB) stopped by Tuesday to see how I was doing (he was my boss before he moved up in the world, and his personality is such that our relationship is different from most boss/employees.) I remember I just looked at him and he was like, "Nevermind." And went away. So new job, maybe a bad idea. Mostly I want the paycheck. Anyway, yesterday the person who took over part of my job (they split it between two people) called in sick. I was asked to step in and clean up everything from my tasks that he hadn't done. His desk was..... Wow. I keep my desk at work as orderly as I possibly can, to the point that Former Boss (FB, different from BB) asked me to get rid of some of my organizing shelves. GC's (the person who replaced me) desk? Paper everywhere. Checks in a pile, mail here and there. My chest tightens just thinking about it. 

I go in and do what I've done for over two years and it's so easy. It's like breathing. Everything makes sense, everything has a spot. I miss my old job and I only stopped doing it Friday. Even better, part of the job necessitates interaction with people in another department, and they told me they missed working with me after two days. That the person who replaced me is rude and snapped at not only them, but the girl who brings the mail. They said they just about threw a party when they heard I'd be doing the task yesterday because I'm so reliable and personable. It absolutely made my day. 

In other news, the government is threatening to seize property or right to property because I owe $200 in taxes from last year. I wonder if they realize I haven't paid it because I literally don't have the money. Rude. More than rude. But still not a bad day. 

End part 1.

Writing

I've decided that all my story clips, ideas, and short stories will be posted here.

For once, life is good

It feels so weird to say that. Most of my posts on here are sad and gloomy, and right now I don't feel that. Sure, I have homework to do and a test to finish and blah blah blah, but it's not stressing me. And I occasionally beat myself up about the reason. Sort of. It's complex. I know, I know, now I have to explain.

Well, on September 9th, roughly two weeks ago now, I had a seizure at the Institute between classes. Needless to say it freaked a lot of people out. I'm alright, I haven't had another one. I've been getting tests done and the doctor wants me to see a neurologist. I understand that we need to figure out what's going on, I do. My parents need to know so that they can worry about me less--not that they'll worry that much less, but still. But I came to a decision later that day. I don't want worry for my health and whether or not it'll happen again to get in the way of me living my life. So I haven't.

Needless to say this leads in a roundabout way to why I've been so happy lately. I'm getting stuff done. I haven't missed homework assignments, I work hard at work, I've made friends on campus and at the Institute. I'm involved in so much stuff, and I keep forgetting and adding more, like last week when I helped out for like 8 hours at the Weber State marching band review. It was long, but I don't regret it. It got me out of the house and I made a new friend. Not a close friend, but still. I've made new friends in Choralaires this year simply from being in the presidency. And I'm getting to know a lot of people, including a guy. Yes, a guy. After all my posts on how dumb guys are and dating sucks. It maybe sucks a little less. Because I'm learning to trust in the Lord's timing.  Besides, I didn't realize I was interested in this guy till a few days ago. I just thought of him as someone I was getting to know as a friend.

Last Saturday was the homecoming dance, and when Kaylee found out it was a masquerade, boy did she want to go. I did too, as did Kelly. So instead of going stag or waiting for a guy to ask, we asked. And I asked Doug, this guy I've been spending increasing amounts of my downtime on campus with. I don't know when I realized I was interested. I just know that all that night I wanted to stay by him. He made me laugh so hard and often that night, I don't know how long it's been since I laughed like that. Laughed so hard I almost sat down, or cried. He made me feel feminine without being pushy or overbearing. He just did it--opened car and house doors for me, helped me down steps, even to the point of  putting my arm through his when we were walking anywhere (at least while I was in my dress). Also, he would notice a need and fill it, whether it was getting me a drink or helping the caterer change the water jug. He just stepped in to make it easier for someone else. And he can dance. He was teaching me swing dance at one point and I swear I split my face in half I was grinning so much. Looking back on that night, he showed me things I hadn't even realized I wanted in a husband. He's always making me laugh, or smile, like when he raced me down the hall yesterday (Kaylee says he was flirting). And I really like the smell of his cologne.

It's not even that there's this amazing guy that I'm interested in who might be interested in me that makes me happy. I had a lot of fun that night. I can honestly say that it's in my top two dates (out of less than ten, that's not hard, but still, it counts). I spent time laughing with people I get along with well, and I felt my emotions and the spirit all jumbled together in a ginormous pile of happy simply because I had more confidence in me. I think that's the biggest thing. Because I asked him and didn't get rejected, and he doesn't avoid me now, and I'm taking charge of my life and getting things done, figuring things out. I'm not sitting on the sidelines anymore, and it feels... I don't know if there are words to describe just how wonderful and amazing and fantastic it feels to actually feel like I'm alive and I deserve to be happy. And I know it's because of where I've put my trust-- I know it's because he's leading me to places that will continue to make me happy. This giddy delight I feel now is just the tip of the iceberg that I will have in the long run, as long as I continue to trust him and do as he wants and needs me to do. I'm still working on making myself better, and he understands that. But he can also use me in my imperfect state. He loves me in this wholly imperfect state. And there's no way I can stay sad for long when I remember that. So I've been happy for days and I hope I can stay that way for a long, long time, no matter what comes my way. I'm not alone, like I thought I was. I never have been.

On Dating

I've come to a realization lately about dating. It sucks. Guys these days seem to expect girls to be forward and out there, and I can't do that. I expect the guy to take a chance and ask, not make me put myself out there (where, let's be honest, I'm far more likely to be rejected than him) just to see if he's even interested! Then there's the whole discrepancy between the speed the world wants your relationship to go, the speed you want it to go, his speed, and your parents' speed. Now, when I had a boyfriend last year, his speed was LUDICROUS SPEED (Don't know what I'm quoting? Watch this movie). No offense to him, I just needed it a lot slower. Like a walk. Or an amble.
Not only do people in the world expect your relationship to go superman fast, they also expect you to do everything. I don't know about most people, but my beliefs and personal feelings about it are this: lust is natural, but love is better. So why try out lust when you can wait for love and never miss anything? Plus, not only does my religion prefer you to be married, it's safer that way in this day and time. At least if you're married, the guy is legally obligated to stick around if you get pregnant, or hurt. It just makes more sense to wait for marriage. On that note, I've decided to include kissing in the "off-limits" category while dating. Then I don't have to worry about when it's okay for him to kiss me or me to kiss him--it's always "no" until I'm at least engaged to him.
Yes, my dating experience is minimal at best (pretty much non-existent if you're feeling mean), but I've learned a lot from watching people around me. For instance, I've learned that without communication, the relationship dies. Also, things need to be spelled out to the point where there is no chance that you misunderstood. At all. Period, exclamation point. I've learned that it's best to go slow. A lot of relationships that go too far too fast end in misery for one or both parties. Take time to get to know the other person around other people before you start seriously dating. If you're good friends, you'll have more to talk about on the date and be more comfortable in the other person's company, whether it's just the two of you or if you're in a group.
Okay, enough of the serious talk. I just want to end with a funny experience in my apartment. One day, my best friend here (she's like my twin, we're so alike in some ways) said, "I wonder what it would've been like if I'd been born a boy." Due to preoccupation, my brain to mouth filter was not on and I replied, "Hmm, I probably would've married you." Several days later, I was looking at my hair in the sunshine and saw that my natural red highlights were coming out. Delighted, I called, "Crystal, my red is showing!" (she has fairly red hair)She replied, "I take it as a sign." I paused. "A sign of what?" "That we were meant to be together." Shortly after that, she put her debit card in my care to get gas for her. I promptly forgot to give it back before I went to Idaho for the better part of a week. Apparently, we're not even meant to be more than 100 miles from one another--that's the second time I took something of hers with me to Idaho.

Here we go again

I got an email from my dad this morning that I'd been expecting, but still...
Chet died Sunday night. And I know we've been expecting it for almost two months and he's been getting ready to go for years, but...He's one of the two grandpas I can really remember. I don't remember a lot about Grandpa Kevin or Oscar because I was so young when they died, and Chet just stepped in. He treated us like family, like we really were his grandkids, even though we're not blood-kin. There are so many times he stepped in to try and help us through, like when he told Grandma to give me money for my Europe trip and they made me work for it. It meant so much more because of that. If they hadn't had me work for that money, I probably would've been like half the other kids on the trip who had the money handed to them and were told, "Go have fun, and bring me back a souvenir."
I don't think people realize how special it is that he just accepted us like that. Some of his kids and grandkids had a really hard time with it, and for him it was like it was as easy as breathing. That doesn't mean we always got along. I remember being almost scared of Chet for quite a while as a kid. But...he was "Grandpa Chet" in my head, even when I just said "Chet" out loud.
It seems kind of surreal, because I'm in Utah and I'm not there. It's almost like I'll get home and there he'll be, sitting in his big easy chair watching football or some random Hallmark Channel movie that I've never even heard of before. But in my head I know that-that won't happen. He's not going to be there, and I'm going to be going to his funeral. A week, and he'll be gone from my life. Yet I feel as if he's right here, telling me that I'm going to be all right, and so is everyone else. It'll just take time. Time I don't have, that I need for other things.
What will Taiya and Amber say if I tell them I didn't write anything on the novel this week because my grandpa died? For some reason I wonder if they'll believe me.
Anyway, as a result, my theme song for the day is "Missing You" from A Very Potter Musical. Without being taken at face value and without listening closely to the words...

Bye Chet. I hope you know that even though I've never said it, I do love you. Look out for Grandma, will you?

Online Bubble Wrap

This is the second website I've found with this, but I think I like this one best. The website is www.virtual-bubblewrap.com and here's a sample.

Cast Your Villain

Okay, this is a contest over at http://www.wordforteens.com (links to the contest).

So the villain that I would love to cast is... *drumroll*  Duke Roger of Conte from the The Song of the Lioness Quartet: Alanna: The First Adventure / In the Hand of the Goddess / The Woman Who Rides Like a Man / Lioness Rampant by Tamora Pierce

Honestly, he's one of my favorite bad  guys, because even after he's out of the picture, he's still tormenting the main character. And then you find out he's somehow in love with her as well as being stark raving mad. Isn't that just awesome? Anyway, the person that I would choose to play him is James Caviezel.

 This picture totally encompasses Roger, I think.

Book Review: My Ridiculous Romantic Obsessions

Well, here's my review like I almost promised.


I have to say, I really liked this book. For one, it's set at college, which is now my station in life, so it's a bit easier to relate to the main character. The only problem is that to me, her meeting of the Really Hot Guy seems improbable. But I might be biased because it didn't happen to me. :D To sum up the story, this book is about a girl who's just starting college. She describes herself as something less than pretty, and can't believe she's at all attractive, partially because of things that happened in high school. So, first day in and she's guy-watching in class. Let's be honest, we all do it, and we all know that feeling of "no, he wouldn't go for me" that sinks in when you see a Really Hot Guy, especially when he's surrounded by Pretty Popular Girls. Yikes, right? Well, this Really Hot Guy seems to take a liking to her, and that's where the story gets interesting and yet annoying at the same time. I couldn't help but root for her while I was calling her an idiot for her low self-esteem. So, the character wasn't great all the time, but over the course of the book I got to see why she was the way she was, and to appreciate the changes that were occurring: she grew in confidence, for the most part, and found things she liked to do, people who cared and were good friends, and she got the chance to make things right. That is why I would recommend this book to any and all romance lovers, particularly the ones that realize that they, too, have Ridiculous Romantic Obsessions. Because, let's be honest, life is so much more fun that way!

Ummmmmm....

Okay, this might scare some people, but I actually drove today. I mean I was literally behind the driver's seat for the first time in my life. It was kind of surreal at first. I mean, last time I drove something with a motor it was a four-wheeler, and I rolled it. Plus, I expected to be really bad and make mistakes, but I actually did pretty good. We did some stuff that'll be on the driving test (which is a ways away, but if I can do it now, imagine me with practice), and the only problems I had were parallel parking and lined parking in front of a side walk. But in my defense, the sidewalk was diagonal to the road. :P
Anyway, I'm also starting college in a few weeks. I'm soooo nervous, but I'm also a little excited. I get like that when I'm moving to a new life-phase. I feel like the girl in the book I'm reading, called My Ridiculous, Romantic Obsessions. She's not pretty, or anything like that, same as me, but she's also a major fan of romance novels, which really hit it on the nail for me because people who like those books tend to have unrealistic expectations for romantic relationships. Et voila, in the first couple pages, the heroine meets a Really Hot Guy she calls "Adonis". I rest my case. I do feel that the two will end up together, even though she's--I hate to say it--average (like me, for the most part). I'll have to keep you posted on how I feel about the book.

I Heart Monster Giveaway

Okay, so I'd really like a poster or something with Jacob on it, but whatever. I just thought for those of us who like most things Twilight this contest would be... Interesting. Good luck!

College

Now that I've finally decided on a college to attend this fall, it's time to start thinking about other things. Like a job, a car, a driver's license, how I'm going to get all my stuff there, and how I'm going to pay for classes. Scholarships are a must, but those have to be earned. Thankfully, I've already got housing figured out. I'm in the dorms, but I have my own room; I just share the kitchen, bathroom, and living room with the others. I was so glad I got into that dorm. I guess I'm just a little scared, but that's normal, right? I really hope so, because if not... Well, we can leave that description up to your imagination.

I'm really hoping I'll like college. Maybe more than high school, because as much as I love how much time my friends and I spend talking about the most random stuff, there are still things I would LOVE to change. Social hierarchy for one. It's sad that even though out of school you can talk to someone like they're a real person, in school they barely even notice you're there. Or sometimes it's the other way around. At school you talk like you actually care and then they totally ignore you anywhere else. That's one thing I'll be glad to see gone. I guess... I've been feeling stifled off and on all year. I'm so used to constantly doing something that I don't take downtime well for very long. Two days seems about my max, then I get restless. And when I get restless, I don't always act smart. No worries, there's no way I could do anything to get me in jail. That I know of.

Like this last week. One day my computer's just fine and dandy, and then the next it's attacked on all sides by viruses! What's up with that? To make it worse, when I tried to get a new antivirus the old one (that has never worked on my computer) refused to get off my computer. So I'm stuck with an antivirus that doesn't work, unable to get a new one, while my computer is taken over by whoever gave me the stupid Trojan. Could it get any better? Yeah. Then my computer starts popping up messages informing me it's under attack. Yeah. Big news. (Can you see the sarcasm dripping down the screen?) It took my brother over four hours to fix it. I love him. Then again, now it won't connect to the wireless network, so I can't use my newly fixed computer anyway. Sometimes I hate my life (enter goth cheerleader with a black uniform and matching pom-poms.) ((Side note: I just realized I should find a way to make a smiley of that.))

So yes, life was kind to me for about...six days, and then it dumped me into the sewer. Geez, and I though the gutter was bad. I can't wait to see what else happens...

How do you like my alternate personality?