Melancholy and Feeling Torn

So... I don't really know what to talk about. My computer hates me, even after we tried to fix things, my brother is almost-not-quite engaged, and I'm gonna be a freaking senior this year! Yikes!

I guess I've just been feeling a bit melancholy for the past few days. Okay, so it started yesterday at Ben (Little Ben that's married to Brekke)'s baptism, where all the kids my age were... well, either people I wouldn't have anything to talk about with or talking to the afore mentioned people. Sad. So, I feel lonely. Of course. You know me, I hate feeling like an odd man out, so I leave. Only it effected my mood for pretty much the rest of the day. And then today, Pioneer Day, most of my friends were on floats. Yep. And the one person I was really glad to see... Came and went, and then left. Yeah. That felt great. We had some pretty funny convos, though... Anyway, so it got better today, once I met up with Amy and we got everybody together, but then Josh and Crystal and Thomas showed up. I started feeling torn, because I was standing between the two groups: Josh, Crystal, and Thomas, and Katherine, Amber, and Amy. They didn't really seem able to mix. It's kind of hard, realizing that you've grown away from certain friend. I'd listen to one conversation for a while and turn back and not know what anyone on the other side was talking about. Why do I have to compartmentalize my life? Couldn't it just be hodge-podge like my room? Jeez. I wish there was some way to bring them all together... But that might not be possible.

HOBY

Okay, so I just got back from HOBY Idaho Sunday night. I was there as a Junior Staffer, becasue I was an Ambassador last year. I just--Whenever I go to HOBY I remember what I want out of life. I always learn something new (or I have so far, and I plan to go back for as long as possible), and each time it changes my life a little more. Even just looking at the differences in my group of Ambassadors and this year's is AMAZING. My year was really serious and we talked about all kinds of serious stuff, including personal stuff that really had notyhing to do with HOBY or what we were learning, but helped us understand each other and become a very close-knit group. This year was still pretty close, but they joked alot more and it was a lot easier for me to have the amount of energy it took to be a leader for them.

And I think that's what made this year so special. I was the only one from my group, including my senior staffer, that had ever been to HOBY before, and so I had to lead them and kind of show them what they were supposed to do. They taught me so much, all of them. I can only hope that I taught them a fraction of how much they taught me.